Helmut

Many of you know that the past few months has been up and down for Helmut. He usually comes home from the vet feeling much better than when he went, often making us raise our eyebrows questioning if the visit was really necessary. We always feel much better after going though even if it's for the peace of mind that everything is okay.

Last week when we got home from work, he just didn't seem quite his normal self. He wasn't interested in much, including eating his food (with a little hamburger grease mind you - he never turns that away). This was not like him at all, so we just monitored him that evening and thought we'd see how he was doing in the morning. The next morning when we got up, he had 2 large swollen masses on his chest. Now Helmut has had many knots on his chest for several years now, but not to this grandeur. They felt a bit squishy so we though maybe it was just that weird water mass that he got on his neck a month or two ago that harmlessly went away after about a week. Jeff was a little less sure of this situation so we went ahead and left for work and Jeff called the vet to schedule an appointment as soon as he got there.

That afternoon when Jeff got home to pick him up, the masses had hardened and were the size of a racquetball/baseball. Helmut's always had a pretty high tolerance for pain, but when Jeff took him to the vet, any time Helmut would bump into Jeff's knee with his chest, he would buckle. So we knew it was sore and hurting him. His normal doctor, Dr. Robinson, was in surgery all day so he saw his partner. He said that he thought it may have been a spider bite since there was also a patch of red, dried, dead skin on the one mass. It was size of a nickel. The doctor felt a little uneasy with its size so he decided to keep him so they could insert a couple of tubes to drain the mass. Helmut ended up spending the night due to Dr. Robinson's busy schedule that day.
The next morning Jeff called to check on him. He was fine, but Dr. Robinson said that he had to remove that nickel sized patch from the mass and that once he got in there to take a closer look, he felt it was more serious than a spider bite. Spider bites don't normally get that bad. He did do blood work and it came back pretty normal, better than it came back a month ago! Good new I guess. Jeff was able to pick him up that afternoon and he was sent home with a weeks worth of antibiotics to help clear up any infection involved. The doctor asked us to monitor him until the end of the antibiotics to see how he does. He said that for the swelling to come on so quickly and so massively, he doesn't think that things are looking too good. He's thinking that the likelihood of it being a tumor is very high.

The doctor did keep what was removed from Helmut and said that if we decided (after the antibiotics) to have it sent in for testing, then we could do that. He did say that it may or may not come back 100% accurate since it was more topical (not the mass) that was taken. It will be a decision that we will have to make soon.

So far Helmut has been acting normal again. He was surprisingly very cheerful when he came home from the vet after the procedure, but was slow to gain his appetite back. After a day or so, he was eating decently again. Tonight he was actually very playful and full of spirit, ate well and was in a great mood. I guess this is a good thing, but the mass is unfortunately still there and not really going away. Most of the swelling has gone down, but he mass is very hard and still pretty large. His stitches are healing pretty well and he's doing good not to bother them much. I'm not sure what's going to happen at this point. If it truly is a tumor there's not much we can do. He's 10 years old (will be 11 in June) and the idea of pumping tons of money in to things that may or may not work is tough. It's not even about the money as it is his quality of life and deciding whether or not you're being selfish with it all.
We've always known that he wouldn't last forever, nothing does. However, I've always prayed that I would never have to make the call whether it was time for him to go or not. As I face this situation, it's hard for me to pray for complete healing and recovery for some reason. I mostly pray that we all hold up through it and that we won't have to make the decision on our own, but that God will take him on his own, peacefully and not in too much pain. Perhaps it could be that we just come home one day and he's resting peacefully on his bed? I don't know, but I get so emotional just thinking about it all. I think I've cried every day since this has come up, so don't call to talk about it because I'll just lose it.

Pray for us as we venture through this season of our lives. Jeff said the other day that he would rather something happen now than when Serif is old enough to remember him or for us to have to explain everything to Serif. Boy, nothing is easy is it? Helmut has always been like our first kid . . . this is tough.